new webpage April 7, 2010Posted by d.w. in dinosaurs, mixtapes.
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i made a webpage to post my mixtapes. if you want to see it, go to puppystreet.us/dw. hopefully pretty soon i’ll get the puppystreet.us page up and running. if you want to e-live on puppy street, let me know.
dinotainment November 10, 2005Posted by d.w. in dinosaurs.
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as evolving human beings, we have a lot to look forward to in our (collective) dinofuture(s). the most obvious are the forms of dinosaur entertainment, called dinotainment. with the smashing success of dinosaur mythbusters, t.v. dino-execs from across the dinoverse starting making all sorts of great dino-shows. the formula that worked the best in the beginning was to modify old 20th and 21st century television programs to serve the dino-community.
here is a partial list of futuristic dinovision (d.v. for short) programs:
dinosaur survivor: send dinosaurs back in time to an island or a desert or a jungle. then let them outwit and out-muscle each other until all of them are dead except one. the one that wins gets a lot of dino-dollars and then gets a job as a dino-anchor on a d.v. news program.
iron dino-chef: a dinosaur is selected to face-off against a random iron dino-chef. a secret ingredient is revealed and they have one dino-hour to make their dino-dishes in their dino-kitchens.
the dinosaur world: 10 dinosaurs are forced to live in the same house. anything’s possible when their everyday lives are filmed.
dinosaur world/roadasaur rules challenge: dinosaurs from different dinosaur worlds compete on a weekly basis and the competition gets gradually narrowed down.
little dinosaur on the prarie: an angel from the future helps a dinosaur family that is settling the dino-west.
melsaur place: see you later, 90210.
saved by the dino-bell: a group of quirky friendosaurs in dino high school handle bizarre circumstances with humor.
dinosaur, dinosaur: two twin dinosaurs are growing up. their lives in dino high school have all sorts of comical situations.
spongebob dinopants: umm.
jurassic park 4: a scientist is kidnapped by terrorists to help alter the dna of dinosaurs to convert them into armored battlesaurs with ninja skills.
clear and present dinosaur: a dinosaur goes undercover to fight terrorism.
walker, texas dinosaur: a dinosaur that knows kung fu writes and performs his own theme song which he listens to in his truck while driving around solving crimes.
dinomerica’s next top modelosaur: tyrosaur banks hand selects 10 dinosaurs to compete in photoshoots and runway maneuvers in order to get a job with covergirl.
24: jackosaurus bauer works for the counter terrosaur unit (c.t.u.) in las dinogeles, california. follow him in real-time as he doesn’t eat or go to the bathroom for an entire day.
dinovision November 8, 2005Posted by d.w. in dinosaurs.
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i’m going to start by naming what assumptions i am working under. these are the axioms of this blog, of sorts. by that i mean that these assumptions are essentially self-evident but unprovable within the context of this blog.
- axiom #1: technological advancement and evolutionary advancement happen simultaneously and proportionally.
- axiom #2: all living creatures eventually evolve into dinosaurs.
- axiom #3:
mythbustersanimal face-off is the best show on television, no matter what the discovery channel says.
- axiom #4: the hosts of mythbusters are not immortal, but they have figured out how to live for 1,000,000 years.
one million years from today is a lot different than it is now. but it’s a lot the same. some differences: humanity is dinonity; cable is free; the intranet is the new internet. some similarities: dinosaurs love television; time machines exist; dinosaurs are scientifically inclined just like the hosts of mythbusters.
with the recent passing of the mythbuster hosts, the discovery channel decides to keep a version of mythbusters running. but discovery channel thinks that no dinosaur can do what adam savage and jamie hyneman did for the last million years. so they starts a new show called dinosaur mythbusters. the premise is similar: use the scientific method to test the validity of ancient stories. with the integration of time machines into the scientific community, the easiest way to test a legend is to travel back in time and see if it’s true. but the discovery channel knows this won’t be the top-seller that mythbusters was, so they add a twist borrowed from 21st century reality television. once a week, the discovery channel selects two dinosaurs who have opposing viewpoints on the validity of an historic legend. let’s look at the lost city of atlantis, for example. they find one dinosaur who believes it existed and one dinosaur who believes it didn’t. they send the two back in time together to the point in history when the city of atlantis was supposed to exist (they know when it should’ve sunk by using the dinoscientific method). the dinosaur that was correct travels back to the present and wins one million dino-dollars. the dinosaur that was incorrect has to live in the past until it dies.
the first season was a complete success-osaur. they investigated things like the existence of lochness monster and the bear lake monster (including the legend that they’re the same monster and that there’s an underground tunnel from bear lake to loch ness), the identity of the pilot that shot down the red baron, ufo sightings, the murder of nicole simpson, whether larry david was adopted, and why fema was next door to the world trade center on september 10, 2001.
they took the summer off, but as the deadlines approached to figure out the logistics of the second season of dinosaur mythbusters, the dino-execs were having trouble coming up with new legends to test and contestants. during a board meeting one day in the future, they came up with the idea that since they film dinosaur mythbusters millions of years in the past, they might as well just watch the footage of what they already filmed for season two to see what they should do. here’s the transcript of that board meeting:
“but if the show is filmed in the past, how are we going to get the tapes?” one dino-exec asks.
“we’ll put them in a dino-time-capsule”
“out behind this building.”
so they go outside and dig behind the building to find this time capsule that has been buried for millions of years. they open it up, they watch the entire season and they don’t have to plan anything because they already did plan everything in the past after they time travelled from the future to get there. so they do the casting and the planning based on what they see and the second season is ready to go. they time travel into the past, film the whole season, bury the tapes in the same time capsule and call it a day. with the success of dinosaur mythbusters: season 2, all of the future dinovision stations adopt a similar philosophy and begin to make the shows exactly as they find them in time capsules, revolutionizing how dinotainment is conceived. there was a lot of downsizing, obviously, but since it happens to our future posterity 1,000,000 years from now, there’s no point in me worrying about their problems.
after one million episodes, the discovery channel has given away 1,000,000,000,000 dino-dollars and 1,000,000 dinosaurs have died in the past. having had the same number of shows as the number of years that jamie and adam lived, they call the show quits.
on the origin of dinosaurs September 29, 2005Posted by d.w. in dinosaurs.
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i read in a newspaper or something that there are dinosaur bones on the earth, but no dinosaurs to speak of. after no thought and zero deliberation, i have decided that my course of action should include (non)examination of the facts at hand, faulty assumptions, and a thesaurus with the sole purpose of theorizing about the causes of the said discrepancy. having already explained the possibility that they evolved into helicopters, i present an alternate explanation to their apparent non-existence in the modern world.
i think (and you might consider it a stretch, but give it a shot) that dinosaurs are, contrary to popular belief, the highest evolutionary form of being and that in the future — distant, i admit — all creatures, including but not limited to unicorns, people, amoeba, aliens, tigers,gnats, fish sticks, and yellow jackets, will evolve into some form of dinosaur. our dino-posterity will be so advanced (technologically, cybernetically, culturally and spiritually) by then that instead of going on vacations to “exotic” islands and/or caves, they will time travel to “exotic” periods of history or futury. maybe an unfortunate group who neglected to do the lead-work (research) time-travelled (untimely, as you’ll soon note) to the exact day that those asteroids collided with earth.
on the evolution of dinosaurs September 23, 2005Posted by d.w. in dinosaurs.
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i saw jurassic park iii on television about 4 months ago while i was vacationing in sunny new york city. as touching as it was, i couldn’t get over the fact that it was lacking in dino-intensity. there wasn’t nearly enough dinosaurs fighting, hanging out, chasing humans, helping humans, feeding, and/or eating other dinosaurs. if i’m sad about how much actual dinosaur footage was in jurassic park iii, then you can only imagine how depressed i get when i think about the non-existence of dinosaurs in the real world today.
rather, i would be depressed if i didn’t know that dinosaurs are still on the earth. they look a little different than you or i might imagine, and they certainly fulfill a different purpose in modern society, but they’re here for the enjoying. i hereby accept — wholeheartedly — the 20th century dinosaur: the helicopter.
see, with the military advancements that have been made in the last 100 years, dinosaurs evolutionarily decided to join the ranks and evolve into helicopters. if you don’t believe me, look closely at the early helicopters and try to convince yourself that those teeth are painted on. i dare you. i tried for most of my life to think that the teeth were just an illusion — just a creative way to make helicopters look cool. however, as soon as i embraced the notion of a dinocopter, my whole life changed for the better.