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lion-heart, i love you July 21, 2006

Posted by d.w. in sports.
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i went to the rocky mountain revue yesterday. it’s a summer league that’s put on by the utah jazz. first and second year nba players from about 8 teams play their little hearts out at salt lake community college every day for about a week.salim stoudamire so greg and i went to see the jazz-hawks game last night. i wanted to go mostly because salim stoudamire plays on the hawks. some of you might remember him from when he played on arizona and others of you might remember him as lion-heart, aka 20-20, from the greatest video game basketball season ever played. don’t be sad, brian. salim came in second place in the mvp voting.

anyways, we got to the game just in time for the introductions. i was on the edge of my seat until they failed to mention his name. i soon realized that he wasn’t there. i thought for sure that it was a wasted trip to s.l.c.c. until i heard some of the things that people around me were saying. i started asking around for a pen so that i could keep notes. the girl behind me said she might have one in her purse. after she found it she said, “who knows what’s in a woman’s purse?” to which someone replied, “probably tampons.” i hurried and wrote that down so i wouldn’t forget. soon after, an ad for dr. phil came over the loudspeaker and the 9 year-old next to me yelled, “yay dr. phil!” maybe this wasn’t going to be such a bad game after all. after the first quarter the jazz bear started passing around basketballs to whoever was cheering the most. he gave his last ball to a boy in a wheelchair. i was sure he was doing it to win me over because he heard about my encounter with the real salt lake mascot a few weeks before. i thought, “i can still hate you, jazz bear, even if you give the last ball to a differently-abled kid.” then someone said, “what’s he going to do with it anyways? probably just drool on it.”

the second quarter was well under way and atlanta called a time-out. the jazz bear was coming our direction with this tube that shoots out advertisements. i thought that he was probably coming up to fight me (maybe he and the real salt lake lion are friends?), but then he just shot out a bunch of flyers into the crowd. greg yelled out, “it’s pornography!” we then proceeded to make jokes about araujo, the new center for the jazz, by saying things like: “go back to provo,” or “go back to brasil,” or “why don’t you get a tattoo of that shot you just made.” he totally deserved it, too, since he clapped his hands after every single play that he was sort of involved in. (i just got really sad thinking about the jazz without ostertag. it’s a horrible world where araujo tries to replace ostertag.)

so half-time finally arrived and i started getting (un)excited because they were going to do that thing where they have cute little kids put on adult size uniforms and shoes and then they have to run down the court and make a layup and then the kid that does it first gets to kiss the jazz bear or something and then their parents are really proud of them and then they get to go out for ice cream after the game. there was some lady down there talking to both the kids. we decided that it was probably their mother and that she was saying, “just do your best. whichever one of you wins is the one that i love more.” when that was over they started in on the halftime music selection, which i think really matches the hip hop lifestyle of ballers: brittany spears, eye of the tiger, that’s the way (uh huh, uh huh) i like it (uh huh, uh huh), etc. the “best” one that they played was a rock version of “the bear necessities” from jungle book while the jazz bear ran around giving bj’s to sponsors. at the end of half-time, the girl that i borrowed the pen from told this story to her grandparents, “some guy down there looked at my wrist and asked if i got my bracelet from tiffany’s. i said yes and he said that being a jeweler, he notices when something comes from tiffany’s.”

we spent the rest of the game coming up with nicknames for players. there was a gentleman with the last name edwards, so we kept calling him blue edwards. then a second edwards came on court and so we named him blue edwards ii (pronounced blue edwards the second). there was a guy named bozeman that i switched back and forth between calling him losman and bozemanzadeh. the best one i came up with was that there was this gentleman playing named powell, so i was calling him lake powell. when he shot the ball, greg yelled out, “drain it, lake powell.”

also, there was this idiot named violette. greg thought he was like the next karl malone or something, but i thought he was more like the next pat tillman.

not bad, for a game without lion-heart playing.

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